Complete Confusion

Saying that God works in mysterious ways is an atrocious understatement. In fact, when people have brought that up lately I've wanted to answer, "Well duh!" In the nicest way possible, of course. It's just becoming a side of His character that has constantly shown up in my life, thrown off my plans, and left me spinning, looking for the right direction. I carefully craft a castle made of cards and he just lets out a little puff of air and scatters them. And for some reason, instead of laughing like little kids do when towers get knocked over, I scowl at him and chase down the cards, wrestling the wind.

Since getting back to school, I feel like I've been chasing cards. With classes being in a jumble as I try to solidify a schedule, trying to balance time with friends (which gets more difficult the more friends you have, I've noticed), and even just attempting to maintain a level of sanity. Ha. Yeah, right. This semester is going to be insane. With school, teaching yoga, and additional projects I will never have a comfortable moment. And that list does not include the puff of air God likes to throw into the midst. Yes, what He does I sometimes consider a disruption. I'll say things like, "Stop it, God! You gave me a job. I can do it by myself, see?" It's like when the five year old tries to make lunch for the family-frightening.

I have a lot of expectations of how life is going to turn out. Not so much of long term (although I do have hopes and thoughts on that too, I've learned to take it one step at a time), but how I think a relationship with a friend should be focused, how much effort should be required in a class, or how much I need of a certain something (church, deep conversations, laughter, interaction with a friend, etc.).

And I can't help but notice God likes to blow those expectations out of the water. Sometimes this seriously irks me. I have no right to feel that way, but I do. But once I get over my entitlement and frustration, I start to see a beauty in not ideal situations. This sort of unexpected value in dealing with troubles and bringing them to God. How about those moments you weren't willing to spare for a friend who wants to share their story and then suddenly four hours have gone by, you don't have your To-Do list done, but you wonder how you could keep living without that story. Because it made that much of an impact. And you had no idea it was there.

We have a limited visual plane. We can't see the future and our memories are biased. And as for the present, it's still happening and we're tangled up in it. We try to make sense of it all, claim we understand, and try to take action. When really, sometimes, God is asking us to be still and let Him inspire us. For me, I'm always to anxious to go out and inspire people and be an example that I forget to have that fed into me. And so sometimes God has to hit me over the head with it. It makes me realize just how much I don't know and makes me want to drown myself in humility.

So when today is confusing, tomorrow is stressful, and yesterday was less than ideal, remember God has this all figured out. We don't have to. Ad that even through pain and suffering and the scary unknown, He is there and He's never going to leave. And please, the next time He blows down your house of cards, laugh a little at yourself for thinking you could build a better castle out of cards than He could. Because something I've noticed is that He doesn't use cards to build His kingdom. He uses people. Let Him use you.

<3 Katie